Religion- Who Needs It?

So far, the most popular religions these days are Christianity, Islam and Judaism. There are lots of others. Some worship one god too, others prefer a pantheon- that's many different gods, you know.

I was raised in one of the first three, but, sad to say, it never stuck. Just wasn't interested. I figured if there was actually one all-knowing, all-seeing bearded guy in a robe, maybe with some wings or something, if this mighty Guy was actually real, that's a mighty big job. There are billions of people on this miserable planet, and everyone wants a piece of him. Look at me, Guy, over here. No, no, look at ME, Guy, I'm over HERE. And all these billions of prayers and supplications. How awful must THAT get? What a job! Who'd want it? Imagine, it's like the worst customer service job ever- no one appreciates you, they're always complaining about everything, never satisfied, fighting amongst themselves all the time. It's more akin to being the parent in the front seat of a car with a bunch of unruly brats screaming and fighting in the back seat, only instead of 4, there's like 4 billion of them. Yikes! I know if I were that Guy, I'd want to opt out like nobody's business.

So the whole monotheistic thing just never worked for me, personally. I figure that if this poor shmo is stuck with the job, he doesn't need one more screaming child, begging for the latest toy in the back seat of the car of Life. So I don't want to bother the poor dear. I don't really need him particularly, so I'm just gonna live my life and do the best I can to be the best person I can. All the definitive writings in Bibles and Koran and everything else I've read seem to say pretty much the same things anyway: don't lie, cheat or steal; don't covet your neighbor's husband/wife/lawnmower, respect your elders as much as is humanly possible (sorry, but some are just jackasses), be polite, have compassion, raise your children with love, etc.

I don't worry about if I had meat with milk or ate only fish on a friday or whatever. I don't need anyone else telling me what to eat or not eat, wear or not wear, do or not do. I'm pretty good at figuring those things out for myself. It's called, somewhat wrongly, common sense.
I especially don't need some guy in one of these organizations telling me on a weekly basis what the official stance is on political figures running for office, what I can and can't do with my body, with whom, under what circumstances and how long. Again, nobody's business but mine.

So I tried paganism- the definition varies, but wicca, witchcraft, all that sort of thing. I have actually never run into the types that religious right folks seem so afraid of- oh, you know. Worshipping the devil, sacrificing babies, all that crap. I've run into more than a few crackpots, flakes of all descriptions and screw-ups, but no one who was into being evil. Most were, at worst, confused by life. At best, they've turned out to be a little left of center, but essentially good people just trying to find ways to be better people. Mostly, they seem to fall into the same traps as the monotheists, but they call them different things. They like the illusion that the pagan way is different. Meanwhile, it's pretty much the same, only with more tree-hugging, fun outfits that would work just as well at a Ren Faire, and more bonfires to stand around, usually involving a drum circle. That's pretty much it.

Sadly, paganism doesn't seem to do it for me either. Goddess knows I gave it a good try. I couldn't even manage to pick a Tradition- this means which ancient Path you Walk, which is usually in capital letters, perhaps for emphasis. The Traditions can be Norse, Celtic, Babylonian, Sumerian, Baltic, Siberian, you name it.

I decided to start my own religion. It's called None of The Above. There aren't any official gods or goddesses, but if it makes you feel better, go ahead and make some up. We don't believe in any one thing in particular, but mainly we just don't want to bother anybody, nor do we wish to be bothered. We like to keep the fuss to a minimum, there are no official prayers or supplications, no particular rituals, no standardized holidays. Our God/dess, if there actually is one at all, can be called simply To Whom It May Concern. Just in case, you understand. Meantime, we just try to be the best people we can be. If we screw up, we think you should try to fix it and own up, and if that's not possible, say you're sorry and move on. We believe in the power of good manners- saying please and thank you to everyone where appropriate, not speaking when one's mouth is full, making sure that everyone is introduced to each other at parties, and treating every human being we interact with with respect, at least until they prove themselves unworthy of it. That's my religion. I really don't care if anyone else wants to join, because frankly, it'll only increase the paperwork. Start your own branch if you want.