Airline Employees Arbiters of Family Values

We were watching a movie with a friend. My friend and my husband mentioned in passing that an airline had actually refused to allow a young woman to fly on the plane. I thought they were making it up, but alas, no.

So I searched for, and found the original article about it in the Vail Daily. Sure enough, Kyla Ebbert, a 23 year old student, was asked to leave the plane by a Southwest Airlines employee. The employee told her that she was "...dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You’re too provocative to fly on this plane," according to Miss Ebbert, who was flying from San Diego to Tuscon for a doctor's appointment.

According to the Vail Daily article, ""Chris Mainz, a spokesman for the Dallas-based airline, said a customer service supervisor asked Ebbert to leave the plane and addressed her in the walkway leading back to the terminal, “away from the other customers.”

The employee felt the outfit “revealed too much” but was placated after Ebbert made adjustments that included covering her stomach, Mainz said."

OK, who exactly made a flight attendant, or as some of us call them, flying waiters/waitresses, arbiters of good taste/fashion/family values? Were any men with very tight pants or short shorts ever led off a Southwest Airlines plane?

Ohhh, wait a minute, it's a Dallas, TEXAS-based airline, you know- land of big hair, the christian right, gun racks, Bush Jr. NOW I get it.

So if airline employees get to decide what is all right to wear or not wear, how about an airline where no one wears anything? you pre-pay for food or drinks, because where are you going to put your credit card or your wallet? I would insist, however, that there be some sort of disposable cover for the seats, both back support and seat cushion. I mean, really! I don't mind going naked if it speeds things up, but I sure don't want the last guys sweaty balls dragging around the seat before I sit down! Not to mention skid marks. Which I won't. I know! We'd call it Bare Air! I can just see the tagline: "At Bare Air, we don't care what you wear down there. You'll come into this town, or any other, naked as the day you were born and you'll leave the same way."

And, by the way, thanks to other events which happened on this date, 9/11/07, my friend told me that she was taken out of line during the whole scan the suitcase/handbag thing at the airport one time because she had something very dangerous in her possession- a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the plane ride. I didn't know they were lethal weapons, but apparently in the wrong hands, anything is. So I guess terrorists have been watching too much MacGyver and got carried away. Now if she had had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich AND a revealing outfit on, I guess we would never have seen her again if she flew Southwest. Whew!

I want my own airline! I'm gonna have my stewards/stewardesses decide if the customers are dressed appropriately- I can just see it! "Hey, you in the flood pants! Please step aside, you're embarrassing the other customers. People will think they're tacky too if they're seen on the same plane as you." Or how about "Excuse me, madam, but that shirt and that skirt- what were you thinking? Two different patterns and completely different colors? As if that weren't enough, those shoes are the ugliest I've ever seen on a living human. Did you lose a bet or something? I'm sorry, madam. You'll have to leave the plane. The clashing colors are giving all the other passengers a headache. You may come back when you pick a color scheme that matches." Or how about the exclusive Vegas run? "Sir, I regret to inform you that there is simply not enough shiny things on you for this plane. At the very least, some Elvis shades would have helped. Don't come back without a pinky ring and lots of chains. Where do you think you're going? Maybe at the Cafe Carlyle in NYC you look all right, but for here? Feh. Get off the freakin' plane."