stupid nephews

expanding upon the stupid nephew theory...here's how it works. in any business, especially family-owned businesses, there is always a stupid nephew: restaurants, retail establishments, utility companies, pick any one of these. they aren't all nephews, of course, but they can be husbands, wives, children, brother-in-laws, etc.

the only parameters are that the stupid nephew has to be irredeemably untalented, and/or unutterably spoiled/arrogant, and they must be so integral to the owner's family's happiness that the person is completely unfireable. the stupid nephew is completely aware of this and banks on it, riding the edge of it gleefully.


the stupid nephew is the one who gets the big parties when they wait on tables in restaurants, can screw up the cash register in a retail establishment without consequence, can always be late or leave early without being yelled at, can say rude things to customers or co-workers freely. the key words here are "without consequence". a shrewd and especially evil stupid nephew will flaunt this and this is quite common. sometimes they are blissfully unaware, but don't count on it. if they happen to take a disliking to you, they can even have you fired. talk about power in the wrong hands!


there used to be a job called "elevator pointer" in my city, that was a stupid nephew job. it was always a patronage position. the job was very complicated and payed extremely well. this person's sole task was to point to the elevator coming to the lobby in city hall. no kidding.