It's now officially the end of Christmas season- hooray! If I ever have to hear another bloody Christmas song again, there's going to be bits and pieces of bodies left by the Muzak radio dial in my store and the mute button will be shot in the on position, so that it can never be turned off again!
Please, all you other religio-spiritual denominations, put your best people to work and come up with a crapload of really awful, syrupy full chorus songs about YOUR major freakin' holiday and let's alternate between all of them for about three months-at least it would break the monotony. Come on, Hindus, Moslems, Native Americans, Rosicrucians, Coptics, Greek and Russian Orthodox, Pagans- where are the hit holiday songs to compete with Christmas classics like "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" or "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" or "White Christmas"?
Let's bombard the airwaves with new classics like "It's Devali Time in Old Karnataka" repeated over and over every fifteen minutes starting around May, then stopping in October after the season is over. Or how about that instant hit " Casting the Circle on Samhain Again"? Let's start that one around April and continue into the end of October. Make sure you have seventeen different renditions of each song available and play all of them within any given eight hour period. Gotta have a country one, the 101 Strings version, rockabilly, bubblegum pop, polka, blues, a really slow Yanni heartfelt instrumental, the Kenny G version, etc.
But that's not enough, people. Because when I get home from a full day of listening to crappy, shmaltzy Christmas songs which repeat all day long and crazy customers who are apparently incapable of thinking ahead every freaking year when it comes to holiday meals and who panic at the last minute like a herd of startled bison at a watering hole and buy everything in sight, and who insist on telling me their goddamned life story while angry mobs gather with their hands out, waiting to be fed...when I leave this madhouse exhausted and abused, the only thing I want besides a quick meal and my bed is to find nothing but shmaltzy, crappy syrupy Christmas specials on every freaking TV series and special shmaltzy, crappy syrupy Christmas movies, so that I can't possibly escape the merest mention of the damned holiday.
Oh, and don't wish me a Merry Christmas unless you're POSITIVE that I'm a fellow Christian (I'm not)-just say Happy Holidays and don't assume I'm you, or use my favorite retort "Merry/Happy Chanu-Kwanz-a-Solsti-Mas" and at least one of them has a high chance of being right. If you practice saying it, it gets easier.
And Happy Solar New Year to my Gregorian-leaning friends. My Lunar calendar friends will have to wait a while.
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Well said! You know how I feel about the f-ing christmas music. I never got around to it, but I was going to post a gripe and a picture on my blog of what they did in Beverly Hills near where I live. I was innocently walking down the street headed to CPK when all of a sudden I hear fucking christmas music...they had piped it out onto the side walks via speakers attached to trees. This went on for blocks! It's bad enough to listen to in Retail Hell, but on the streets? That was so wrong!
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